Ridley Scott lied through his teeth leading up to this film saying that it isn't a prequel to Alien. Which all of us who have seen the movie know that it more or less is. It isn't (in my opinion) in that it is before what a prequel to Alien should have been. And there are some things I really liked about, and things I really didn't. The premise I like. Humans in search of their beginnings find what could ultimately be their end. This review is a bit spoilerish (Not totally) so if you just want to know the bottom line skip to the end. If you don't care. Read on...
From jump street there guy taking a gun on to the planet is asked why he is doing so. He is told that this is a scientific mission. LIKE THAT MATTERS. Because you have no idea what lifeforms may or may not be here or may or may not be hostile. I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Then ere is clean air in the cave, but you NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR HELMET! Disease this is an alien planet that is forever away from Earth you don't know what is floating around there. When they took off their helmets all I could think of was Buzz Lightyear saying, "My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets!"
Screw the old man' and his Iron Man get up. He is a useless character. Throw him away put his brain in the robot. CONSOLIDATE. I don't need him showing up for 2 seconds to get slapped around by the angry natives and die. And Theron I love her, but she served no purpose as well. NONE.
RAPID FIRE: What is up with the zombie man? With all that technology why bring an ax in space? Why do they want to kill humans? Why use and overly elaborate biological weapon? Why not fly to earth 2000 years ago and squash us like the bugs we would have been (probably would be now)? How did the tummy staples from surgery not rip out during all this running and jumping and her entrails become her extrails? Why does the computer for the Alien ship operate by means of breast implant buttons? And where did the aliens that killed the humanoid aliens go? Plus many more...
Those were all the questions it didn't answer. The one it did was: "Where do we and they come from?" more or less...
The cast was fine. Even though the majority of the characters they play serve absolutely no purpose. Noomi Rapace is our heroine. She is does a good job. She helps deliver some of the most intense scenes in the movie. Michael Fassbener is our android friend "David" who gives off a very creepy vibe in a very good way. Charlize Theron is in charge of the operation because the company that she works for has funded this trip. Other than that, she is totally useless. I love her, but she serves no purpose. Not even as eye candy. Idris Elba gets and honorable mention as the captain of the ship because his role could have encompassed Theron's role, and also because he was on The Office. Guy Pierce is the old man who owns the company that funds this expedition. He was like 92 and supposed to be dead. He should have been. his character did nothing but take up space and look bad. Everyone else is waste because in a movie like this you need enemy fodder.
I saw it in IMAX 3D, and that was awesome. There were a few parts that I felt as though I needed to put on a seat belt because the picture ans sound was great. There were also some really intense scenes that really embed themselves in your mind. In your mind. But there weren't very many middle ground parts. it was kind of all or nothing and left me a little unsatisfied. The base story I really like, I just don't fee like it was as tight or polished as it should have been.
END!!! Overall it raised more questions than it answered, but did have an entertaining quality to it. It wasn't as intense as the trailer would lead you to believe, and there were some things that didn't fit or might have fit had they been clearer. I felt like this movie in the series, much like most of the cast, was unnecessary. I see it as more of a stepping stone to more of the answers and Alien lore that I, as a geek, desperately want want.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Dark Shadows
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp have made quite a few thing over the years together, several of them very good. However, this is not one of them. This is a revival of an old soap opera of the same name. In this version a wealthy young man slights a witch who curses him to be a vampire. This curse appears to overflow to the rest of his family who has all but lost his fortune when he is brought forth from his grave and begins to re-establish his family's fortune.
With the cast this movie had, I am stunned at how little I liked it. Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, and Helena Bonham Carter. Can I just say how much I really enjoy Helena. I think she is generally awesome, but ,Tim, You don't have to put her in everything. People have things they should do and shouldn't. She's great, just not in everything. I was also talking with a buddy of mine about why Michelle Pfeiffer doesn't do more things. But then he named off a couple of her more recent projects, and we realized she probably doesn't because the newer things she picks are crap. So I wouldn't either. Chloe Grace Mortez's character was a bit awkward. She is this weird overly sexualized young girl, that at one point they even mention her touching herself and sounding like a cat. Yeah, we (the audience) don't need that.
The biggest problem with this movie is that it is nothing. It's not funny, scary, gory, or intriguing. It is NOTHING. It isn't even family friendly because of drug use. All the entertaining parts are in the preview, and for some reason they are less good in the feature. Boring is a adequate statement since it has and does nothing to try and keep your interest.
Continuity is a slight issue it has as well. Depp being a vampire cannot go into the sunlight. A fact that they exploit more than once in the movie. One instance Depp even bursts into flames from light through a window. But for some reason he can put on a hat and sunglasses and go outside with no fire. Kinda lame.
I don't know how bad the old Dark Shadows was, but there is no way it was worse than this. good director, better than average cast, bad movie.
With the cast this movie had, I am stunned at how little I liked it. Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, and Helena Bonham Carter. Can I just say how much I really enjoy Helena. I think she is generally awesome, but ,Tim, You don't have to put her in everything. People have things they should do and shouldn't. She's great, just not in everything. I was also talking with a buddy of mine about why Michelle Pfeiffer doesn't do more things. But then he named off a couple of her more recent projects, and we realized she probably doesn't because the newer things she picks are crap. So I wouldn't either. Chloe Grace Mortez's character was a bit awkward. She is this weird overly sexualized young girl, that at one point they even mention her touching herself and sounding like a cat. Yeah, we (the audience) don't need that.
The biggest problem with this movie is that it is nothing. It's not funny, scary, gory, or intriguing. It is NOTHING. It isn't even family friendly because of drug use. All the entertaining parts are in the preview, and for some reason they are less good in the feature. Boring is a adequate statement since it has and does nothing to try and keep your interest.
Continuity is a slight issue it has as well. Depp being a vampire cannot go into the sunlight. A fact that they exploit more than once in the movie. One instance Depp even bursts into flames from light through a window. But for some reason he can put on a hat and sunglasses and go outside with no fire. Kinda lame.
I don't know how bad the old Dark Shadows was, but there is no way it was worse than this. good director, better than average cast, bad movie.
Men In Black 3
In my ever so humble opinion Men in Black 3 is one of those series that each of the films is a good as the last. They all bring something unique to the universe is live in. In this episode, an intergalactic bad guy escapes prison then travels back in time to kill K, the agent to imprisoned him, and J must go back in time to stop him.
Somehow the Men in Black franchise continues to get an excellent cast for their movies. As always Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are J and old K. They are they typical odd couple that make a great team. They have really good chemistry together, and Will is funny as always. To play Young K they have brought in Josh Brolin who is a spot on Tommy Lee Jones impersonator. The chemistry tat Tommy and Will have carries over to Josh. All the interactions and mannerisms that we love about the characters are brought out once again. One of my favorite new character actors is Jemaine Clement, he is Boris the Animal. He brings this weird creepy wackiness to the character that is needs, He is really starting to grow in me. Emma Thompson, Alice Eve, and Bill Hader all poke their heads in and get a little face time. Ijust with Rip Torn would have still been involved
The special effects and make up have been good through the series. And this is no exception. Boris is an animal with his teeth, eyes, and hair. They do an excellent job with of of the back ground aliens. Unique and interesting. And the 3D effects (mostly in the beginning mind you) were also very good. Plenty of glass and bursting aliens were all up in your face. Boris has this little barb shooting alien that lives in his hand that is both gross looking and awesome. And in IMAX when they time jump. It really trips you out because the size really makes you feel like you are taking the leap with him.
This is another action packed fun trip with our brothers in Black. It even has a couple meaningful bits that people who live the series will really enjoy. Men in Black 3 is a welcome adition to the series that brings back what those of who like the series enjoy.
Somehow the Men in Black franchise continues to get an excellent cast for their movies. As always Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are J and old K. They are they typical odd couple that make a great team. They have really good chemistry together, and Will is funny as always. To play Young K they have brought in Josh Brolin who is a spot on Tommy Lee Jones impersonator. The chemistry tat Tommy and Will have carries over to Josh. All the interactions and mannerisms that we love about the characters are brought out once again. One of my favorite new character actors is Jemaine Clement, he is Boris the Animal. He brings this weird creepy wackiness to the character that is needs, He is really starting to grow in me. Emma Thompson, Alice Eve, and Bill Hader all poke their heads in and get a little face time. Ijust with Rip Torn would have still been involved
The special effects and make up have been good through the series. And this is no exception. Boris is an animal with his teeth, eyes, and hair. They do an excellent job with of of the back ground aliens. Unique and interesting. And the 3D effects (mostly in the beginning mind you) were also very good. Plenty of glass and bursting aliens were all up in your face. Boris has this little barb shooting alien that lives in his hand that is both gross looking and awesome. And in IMAX when they time jump. It really trips you out because the size really makes you feel like you are taking the leap with him.
This is another action packed fun trip with our brothers in Black. It even has a couple meaningful bits that people who live the series will really enjoy. Men in Black 3 is a welcome adition to the series that brings back what those of who like the series enjoy.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
The Avengers
The biggest movie of the summer so far is The Avengers. And for good reason. It delivers. Action, adventure, and lots of explosions.
For years Marvel has been developing it's comic book lore through film for those of us who haven't been steeped in the books. It all comes together here in the fantastically entertaining Avengers.
(Minor Spoilers) Basically Loki (Tom Hiddleston) desires to rule the Earth, and brings an intergalactic army to conquer it. And the the planets only hope for total domination is Captain America (Chris Evans), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner). Code named The Avengers by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) and S.H.I.E.L.D.
The only new actor to the series is Ruffalo. Who did his work as Dr. Banner and The Hulk. He still portrays this disdain for the "monster" inside him. And when it comes time for "HULK SMASH!", Hulk smashes it's face in like a boss. Makes me love the Hulk again.
Everyone Else was just as good as they were in there individual pictures. Evans is the Captain we all want. Good, honest, and true. The only thing I would like better from the character would be his abilities need to be turned up a notch. In The Incredible Hulk Tim Roth's character Manages the Hulk for a while by himself. I just don't get the feeling that out beloved Captain could do the same. Strong and capable he is he is, but a bit lacking.
Iron Man/ Tony Stark is still the coolest man on the planet, and he knows it. From all his too cool one liners, to his override of the com systems where he blasts AC/DC. He is the cool guy that everyone wants to hang out with.
Thor is a major component in this film because it is his brother that is causing all the mischief. Hemsworth is big, strong, and tough. He is just as regal and dashing as ever, being the god of thunder and all. I would have LOVED for Natalie Portman to have actually been in this movie, but you can't always get what you want.
That just leaves are mortals. Black Widow and Hawkeye are the totally unaugmented members of our group. They hold their own. Widow is used to handling her business in the shadows but brings it to the front line. And Hawkeye has such a wonderful set of skills that put out peoples eyes.
Sam L. as Fury gets to see plenty of action. gun play galore. For a guy with one eye, and nodepth prception as we know it, he is a relly good shot
The A#1 of ouR huams is Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg). He doesn't have all the training or toys that the other agents have, but he gets his hero work done. All while being a total fanboy and all around cool cat.
Being such a special effects heavy movie I expected there to be more problems, but there was very rarely a focus on something that wasn't done well. And there are plenty of of opportunities to screw it up,but the keep it as tight as you can reasonably expect.
It has a really good tempo also. It doesn't let itself get bogged down with to heavy of a story. It has serious moments, but always lightens the mood with some awesome hero banter. It mostly expects you to have seen the other films, but they do throw back to the other movies (which I like) to help you along without over doing it.
The Avengers is just a fun movie for the Superhero lover in all of us. In IMAX 3D it is just so much fun. If you can tear yourself away from the real word and go to a place where superheros are everywhere that is also fun for the family, then this is where you should go.
For years Marvel has been developing it's comic book lore through film for those of us who haven't been steeped in the books. It all comes together here in the fantastically entertaining Avengers.
(Minor Spoilers) Basically Loki (Tom Hiddleston) desires to rule the Earth, and brings an intergalactic army to conquer it. And the the planets only hope for total domination is Captain America (Chris Evans), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner). Code named The Avengers by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) and S.H.I.E.L.D.
The only new actor to the series is Ruffalo. Who did his work as Dr. Banner and The Hulk. He still portrays this disdain for the "monster" inside him. And when it comes time for "HULK SMASH!", Hulk smashes it's face in like a boss. Makes me love the Hulk again.
Everyone Else was just as good as they were in there individual pictures. Evans is the Captain we all want. Good, honest, and true. The only thing I would like better from the character would be his abilities need to be turned up a notch. In The Incredible Hulk Tim Roth's character Manages the Hulk for a while by himself. I just don't get the feeling that out beloved Captain could do the same. Strong and capable he is he is, but a bit lacking.
Iron Man/ Tony Stark is still the coolest man on the planet, and he knows it. From all his too cool one liners, to his override of the com systems where he blasts AC/DC. He is the cool guy that everyone wants to hang out with.
Thor is a major component in this film because it is his brother that is causing all the mischief. Hemsworth is big, strong, and tough. He is just as regal and dashing as ever, being the god of thunder and all. I would have LOVED for Natalie Portman to have actually been in this movie, but you can't always get what you want.
That just leaves are mortals. Black Widow and Hawkeye are the totally unaugmented members of our group. They hold their own. Widow is used to handling her business in the shadows but brings it to the front line. And Hawkeye has such a wonderful set of skills that put out peoples eyes.
Sam L. as Fury gets to see plenty of action. gun play galore. For a guy with one eye, and nodepth prception as we know it, he is a relly good shot
The A#1 of ouR huams is Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg). He doesn't have all the training or toys that the other agents have, but he gets his hero work done. All while being a total fanboy and all around cool cat.
Being such a special effects heavy movie I expected there to be more problems, but there was very rarely a focus on something that wasn't done well. And there are plenty of of opportunities to screw it up,but the keep it as tight as you can reasonably expect.
It has a really good tempo also. It doesn't let itself get bogged down with to heavy of a story. It has serious moments, but always lightens the mood with some awesome hero banter. It mostly expects you to have seen the other films, but they do throw back to the other movies (which I like) to help you along without over doing it.
The Avengers is just a fun movie for the Superhero lover in all of us. In IMAX 3D it is just so much fun. If you can tear yourself away from the real word and go to a place where superheros are everywhere that is also fun for the family, then this is where you should go.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
American Reunion
This movie had a place on my blog before it ever existed. I remember sneaking in to see American Pie with a buddy of mine while we were on vacation with my grandparents. Ah, good times... noodle salad.
Anyways. This movie is only for people who grew up with the other films. Not the "Band Camp" or "Naked Mile" either. I mean American Pie 1,2, and Wedding. This movie reunites us with our long lost friends greading up for their late 10 year reunion.
Everybody comes back for the reunion. Jim (Jason Biggs), Michelle (Alyson Hannigan), Oz (Chris Klein), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas), Vicky (Tara Reid), Stifler (Sean William-Scott), Heather (Mina Suvari), Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas), The Milf Guys, Shermanator, Nadia, Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy), and even Stifler's Mom. Which is awesome.
Almost all the jokes revolve around our past experiences with these characters. So if you haven't seen the old ones (DO) then don't waste your time. You won't care about any of this. Some of the jokes aged better than others.
The sound track was the sound track of my youth, and every time I would notice a new song I remembered all the same junk this movie wants you to remember. Spice Girls, Third Eye Blind, Chumbawumba. Yeah, I dug it.
It was a reliving of the memories of years past with poop jokes, sexual tensions, and awkward moments. Just like I remember.
It also has those weird sweet moments that the others had. You don't really see until they are there. Like the freindships, or Jim and Michelles relationship. It really kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. even admist all the dirty humor.
This movie is just for us whom American Pie was their "teen-sex comedy". If it wasn't yours then don't bother, but me and my generation will love it for what it was as well as is.
Memories....
Anyways. This movie is only for people who grew up with the other films. Not the "Band Camp" or "Naked Mile" either. I mean American Pie 1,2, and Wedding. This movie reunites us with our long lost friends greading up for their late 10 year reunion.
Everybody comes back for the reunion. Jim (Jason Biggs), Michelle (Alyson Hannigan), Oz (Chris Klein), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas), Vicky (Tara Reid), Stifler (Sean William-Scott), Heather (Mina Suvari), Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas), The Milf Guys, Shermanator, Nadia, Jim's Dad (Eugene Levy), and even Stifler's Mom. Which is awesome.
Almost all the jokes revolve around our past experiences with these characters. So if you haven't seen the old ones (DO) then don't waste your time. You won't care about any of this. Some of the jokes aged better than others.
The sound track was the sound track of my youth, and every time I would notice a new song I remembered all the same junk this movie wants you to remember. Spice Girls, Third Eye Blind, Chumbawumba. Yeah, I dug it.
It was a reliving of the memories of years past with poop jokes, sexual tensions, and awkward moments. Just like I remember.
It also has those weird sweet moments that the others had. You don't really see until they are there. Like the freindships, or Jim and Michelles relationship. It really kinda makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. even admist all the dirty humor.
This movie is just for us whom American Pie was their "teen-sex comedy". If it wasn't yours then don't bother, but me and my generation will love it for what it was as well as is.
Memories....
The Three Stooges (2012)
Again I preface this by noting the "2012". The Three Stooges are an icon trio of comedy, and if you do not know who they are then quit reading and go away. I do not want to be your friend.
I had made up my mind about this movie before I went to watch it. I knew there was no way that this movie could not suck. It was a remake, and a remake of icons of the industry. It had to suck. And it wasn't terrible. I liked it. For several reasons.
This movie knows what it is, and that it had an insurmountable mountain to climb. But they made a good go at it. I watched a mini marathon of the Stooges on AMC the night before watching this movie. Do you know what this movie was? More of an homage than a remake. Everyone seemed to work very hard to make this as much like the originals in modern times as possible. It was even broken up in to episodes. It is good, old fashion, obvious, slap stick humor. It was directed in such a way as to show the art of what their predecessors did before them, and acted to augment that direction.
Our Stooges Larry (Sean Hayes), Curly (Will Sasso), and Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos) were all just mirror images of the past. their chemistry and fluidity was wonderful. Who impressed me more than them was the little them played by:Lance Chantiles-Wertz, Robert Capron, Skyler Gisondo respectively. These young gentlemen did not get that much time, but made good use of the time they had.
This movie is dumb, goofy, and slapstick. Despite its many modern follies, again I liked it. Cause that is not what i thought it was about. If you don't like the Stooges or sight gags, then pass. However if you are student (like myself) of all things comedy watch, remember, enjoy.
I had made up my mind about this movie before I went to watch it. I knew there was no way that this movie could not suck. It was a remake, and a remake of icons of the industry. It had to suck. And it wasn't terrible. I liked it. For several reasons.
This movie knows what it is, and that it had an insurmountable mountain to climb. But they made a good go at it. I watched a mini marathon of the Stooges on AMC the night before watching this movie. Do you know what this movie was? More of an homage than a remake. Everyone seemed to work very hard to make this as much like the originals in modern times as possible. It was even broken up in to episodes. It is good, old fashion, obvious, slap stick humor. It was directed in such a way as to show the art of what their predecessors did before them, and acted to augment that direction.
Our Stooges Larry (Sean Hayes), Curly (Will Sasso), and Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos) were all just mirror images of the past. their chemistry and fluidity was wonderful. Who impressed me more than them was the little them played by:Lance Chantiles-Wertz, Robert Capron, Skyler Gisondo respectively. These young gentlemen did not get that much time, but made good use of the time they had.
This movie is dumb, goofy, and slapstick. Despite its many modern follies, again I liked it. Cause that is not what i thought it was about. If you don't like the Stooges or sight gags, then pass. However if you are student (like myself) of all things comedy watch, remember, enjoy.
21 Jump Street (2012)
I put the "2012" notation on this just in case there are audience members who do not know that this is a reboot from the 80's.
Now that that is out of the way I can just say how much fun I had at this movie. Basic idea is that two less than stellar cops are reassigned to a revived program to help bring down a growing drug ring.
I had started to miss the Jonah Hill of old. He comes roaring back with all the one liners and hilarity you would hope for. The one that surprised me was Channing Tatum he let himself be funny and he was. Hill and Tatum also had a good buddy vibe. Which was the driving force of this story.
Our very adorable female lead was Brie Larson. She is our kind hearted, obviously was more than just naive, love interest for Jonah.
There is of course Dave Franco (we can just do away with James, now. We have his clone), Booze Cruise to me and my crew (Rob Riggle) who is always hilarious, Ice Cube, Ellie Kemper, and a new favorite of mine Mr. Jake M. Johnson. All of these people round out a very entertaining cast.
What sold this movie the most to me is that the people who made this movie know that you are thinking, "Great another BS remake." And they embrace that vibe and make fun of themselves. They make fun of themselves almsot the entire time, because not only is it a gap between original and new. But also in Hill and Tatum and their new friends.
All things considered this is how I like my remakes. As original as it can be, and funny in the same measure.
Now that that is out of the way I can just say how much fun I had at this movie. Basic idea is that two less than stellar cops are reassigned to a revived program to help bring down a growing drug ring.
I had started to miss the Jonah Hill of old. He comes roaring back with all the one liners and hilarity you would hope for. The one that surprised me was Channing Tatum he let himself be funny and he was. Hill and Tatum also had a good buddy vibe. Which was the driving force of this story.
Our very adorable female lead was Brie Larson. She is our kind hearted, obviously was more than just naive, love interest for Jonah.
There is of course Dave Franco (we can just do away with James, now. We have his clone), Booze Cruise to me and my crew (Rob Riggle) who is always hilarious, Ice Cube, Ellie Kemper, and a new favorite of mine Mr. Jake M. Johnson. All of these people round out a very entertaining cast.
What sold this movie the most to me is that the people who made this movie know that you are thinking, "Great another BS remake." And they embrace that vibe and make fun of themselves. They make fun of themselves almsot the entire time, because not only is it a gap between original and new. But also in Hill and Tatum and their new friends.
All things considered this is how I like my remakes. As original as it can be, and funny in the same measure.
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