Conan the Barbarian (2011)

There are 3 things i should have gotten from this movie. I received 4, but should have only gotten 3.

1. 3D. Grade: F-. Lets's just get this out of the way. 3D for the vast majority of movies BLOWS! And this movie would have been just as entertaining without it. I didn't want or need this, but it was forced upon be by a theater that only has one non-3D showing. Just in case anyone wants to know, if you show me a crappy 3D mess I destroy the glasses. I'll recycle them when you warrant me wanting to use them again, or if you quit charging me for them. Until them they are mine and I shall do away with them. (sorry that's my little 3D rant)
2. Violence. Grade: A. Bashing heads in, cutting things off, blood everywhere. (Man Grunt) This is not Saw gore, but plenty violent for the manliest of men. From tiny Conan doin' work to grown Conan choppin' ho's arms off. They do action right.
3. Effects. Grade: B. There really wasn't anything that jumped out as bad until Conan fights this big water monster and that gets kinda crappy. But he fights some sand demon things that pop in and out of the ground like hardcore parkour guys, and with a few exception look good.
4. Story. Grade C. And a C isn't a terrible thing. It, for me, is the middle grade. Here is a broad overview. Conan & friends must avenge the slaughter of his village from an old dude and Princess Amidala's evil sister who wants to power up a crazy squid mask to bring the wife/mother back from the dead . And me thinks Conan dosth spake too much. I would have like a more Arnoldish Conan.(side note: No man's, especially a barbarian's, butt is that hairless, just saying. Conan needs to be hairier) Granted Arnold barely spoke English, but it worked. He is a Barbarian after all, noble or not. It's and acceptable vehicle for everything else.

This is not an "acting" movie, or a really good movie. It's a dude movie. Talk crap, kill, screw, repeat. But it entertained, and that is what its all about. Knock yourselves out Bros leave the women at the house.

Red Band Version
Conan: The Musical